Roller Coaster Emotions

Diabetes - my free roller coaster ride

Today I had a bad day and my emotional roller coaster ride (diabetes) was just that.  So I thought I would step back from all my exciting stuff and share the difficult times as well that will occur on this journey.  So once again, I am going to hold off on drugs and what I found out and talk about the emotional ride and swings I go through.

Yesterday was one of those days that capped a week long return of good news and positives about what I am doing.  Dropping my high blood pressure medicine was the ultimate.  I was so pumped up I had to leave work as my mind was every but there.

At the same time I was at the doctor's office I was getting my first testosterone shot - I have had 3 visits (18) months of having low T and the VA only gives shots.  But I was so excited I just never gave it a thought.  Today, it bothers me that this too will be a life long event.

This morning I woke up to start may day as usual, take blood sugars, measure blood pressure, and then make my green drink for breakfast.  Then the "I am still a diabetic" attitude set in.  I decided not to prick my finger one day and be a rebel.  Along with that, forget putting my arm in compression and seeing what my blood pressure is - forget it all, I am taking a day off from being a diabetic.

 Then the day got really bad, I had to make my green drink.  So no matter what you hear or read - I say breakfast is not a green drink.  I started thinking about when I was a kid and stayed at Grandma's house and Uncle John was home from the Navy.  We would have a pancake eating contest.  I am positive everyone knew I would lose but Grandma made some pretty good pancakes along with eggs and some sort of meat.  Now that is a real breakfast and I do not remember how I felt losing but I do remember the smell of her breakfast as if I was there now!

Later in life, I worked for a farmer and Adeline, his wife, would make breakfast for everyone after I completed choirs.  She had 2-3 kinds of meat, eggs, french toast, coffee (that I hated), milk, fruit, and about everything else you can add to a breakfast feast.  Now that is a real breakfast feat.

Somehow getting up and loading spinach, cucumbers, celery, almond milk, lemon juice, lime juice, a third of an apple, algae from the ocean, and a hole bunch of natures best condensed into a power into a blender, just did not feel like it was breakfast.  Lucky for me, I decided, this one activity I need to keep up with and make sure I get some good things in me that will help me stay where I am.  I then was a good boy and took my supplements as well.  Not a breakfast I will remember or a smell that will linger - well maybe, as algae smells pretty bad!

At lunch time I met an old friend from a previous job just to catch up.  He does not have any real health issues that I am aware of and he was able to look at the menu and "PICK" what he wanted.  Me, I had to look it over, think in my mind what is good for me, what will keep the sugar levels down, and how it is prepared.  It is like watching Halloween 14, a never ending stupid serial - diabetes feels like that to me sometimes.  I am forced to get up each day and watch the same stupid movie as yesterday.  Maybe I should see it more like Groundhog Day!

Diabetes is something that cannot be cured, just managed.  There are so many diseases like that and most often I am happy my affliction is only diabetes.  But today was not one of those days - I felt angry at everyone and anything.  

Well, good news is I stayed the course and hopefully will pick back up where I left off yesterday - as far as excitement and progress goes.  For today, I thank each of you for listening and letting me vent.

I also want to thank God for giving me the courage to stay the course.  Along the way, when you are in the bottom of your roller coast ride and life is just kicking you in the teeth, find comfort somewhere - this disease can be maddening most if not all of the time.  Find a good support mechanism like I have.  This too is part of the journey.

Just remember, this is your disease - not your support group.  It is also your responsibility to manage it - not your support group.  In the end - you must own it and manage it!

May God help each of us move through this together.

Bob,