Unloading my feelings today - sorry but I have to say something
I continue to be blown away by the response to this blog and the support I am receiving. When I started, I thought, OMG, this is going to take time and really be a drag. Little did I know that God was just adding to my support team with people who have amazing stories themselves. I find it encouraging, as I want to continue to be successful in my journey and days like yesterday when I struggle - you guys lift me up!!! Just amazing and all of these years I could have had friends to help.
BS - 102 fasting - not bad as they were high last night at 133 before going to bed - was bad all day and I knew it
BP - 90/60 (home machine - I think I need a better one) - HR 52
Good things said
My wife and I belong to a bible study group - actually two of them. In one group, my wife just mentioned to one of our friends about what I had accomplished. Well, it was announced to the group and many of them wanted the link to my blog as they have issues or know people and just wanted to learn what I have done along with my support team.
Last night, we were in another bible study group (different group) and I had just mentioned in casual conversation the week before to the leader how I had reversed my diabetes trend and was off medicines. It was actually my answer to why I was not taking a home made peach pie that someone brought. Yeah I turned down a peach pie - that and ice cream are my death from above for me. Anyway, back to the story. Last night he took it upon himself to announce to the group what I had done and asked me to share.
It is hard for me to share in public as I do not like attention. I do not celebrate my birthday - just how I am. But it turned out okay, as there are people in the group who suffered diabetes and also individuals that have loved ones who have diabetes and they are concerned for them. So maybe all of this is just God knowing I need to be better at the face-to-face discussion of what he and my support team have helped me accomplish.
So it was one of those rare times in life that my #1 support person got a chance to share her feelings, her frustrations in trying to help me, and how she realizes I just needed to hit rock bottom with this thing and then seek help and assistance.
On the way home, we shared the experience how she was talking to a small group and I was with another group. She then explained how many times people would say something to her that really hurt and she would have to bury it because she was afraid of hurting me.
Bad things said
As she related to what she heard over the years, I was saddened to think she had to suffer so when I was the one being the jerk and not taking care of myself. Her pleading, prodding, sending emails, delivering little articles, and cooking right - was not really working. I WAS JUST DEFT AND DUMB IS ALL I CAN SAY!
Some things that she would have to endure that are just mean - no matter the intent.
"Well, you know you better get involved, you do know what is the first thing to go!"
From my doctor, "Kathleen, it is your responsibility to manage what he eats!" This just made it her responsibility from the beginning.
"Do you know what it is going to be like to push him around in a wheel chair later in life. Tell him to straighten out!"
I am positive all of these people meant to help. But can you all imagine the tremendous burden the world was laying at my wife's feet? WOW, she is really a saint - but I have always known that. Sticking with me for 40 years!
"Lack of Knowledge" things said
I could be one of the biggest offenders of this section. I say I have reversed my diabetes. Many ADA community members take this statement seriously and can be "set back" - for lack of better terms - by it. I did not mean anything by the saying but it does lead people to thing I mean I have cured my diabetes.
I was not aware this is how some people would take my statement. I am a diabetic. I will always be a diabetic. I will always stick my finger to check my sugar level. I will always have to watch what I eat. The only thing, I reversed the course I was on and now I can control my sugar levels as I did when first diagnosed; diet and exercise. So I have turned back the hand of times in my mind.
I have also had people disagree that I have done this and I am just out there to sell something. Again, not sure why they would feel that way, but it is not knowing my journey and my intention that causes them to say and feel the way they do.
So what is the moral of all this ranting? If we truly want to help each other, love each other, and be friends; then we need to be a little sensitive to what we are saying. Here are a couple of little rules we should live by in my mind:
- Any success story; regardless of how big or small, is that, a success story and deserves a pat on the back or a high-five.
- This disease belongs to the individual and is their responsibility to manage. Support teams can only support and do their best - but in the end; we diabetics must take full responsibility for our results. So when speaking to a support team member, ask them how they are doing and how they feel. Do not criticize them or make them guilty.
- Simple golden rule - Love one another as I have loved you. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. If what you are about to say would hurt you - then it is not from the heart and needs to stay where it is at - in the mind.
Thanks to all of your for supporting and for letting me rant.
To my lovely wife, sorry you had to hear those things and hold them inside. I am glad God took us to this new study group or we might never have had the chance for you to share your trials through all of this.
May God put wonderful people in your life as he has mine. May he grant you the courage to change the things you can, strength to accept those things you cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.